Rogue Betrayal Page 5

  “I will, Spider. She’s too…I will.”

  I furrowed my brow. What was he going to say? I was too what?

  The door squeaked open, footsteps padded out, and then it clicked shut. Which meant I was alone with Robert.

  I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. Not because I didn’t trust him. I did. But things were awkward at best between us after I confronted him about Riella and he lied about it. I had yet to open my eyes. I wondered if he knew I was actually awake. Maybe he would ignore me. Maybe he thought I was already asleep.

  “Cut the shit, Freckles,” he said. “We both know you’re awake. You can’t fall asleep, remember?”

  I wrinkled my nose, peeling my eyes open so I could glare at him. I didn’t know how intimidating a glare with half-hooded narrowed eyes could be, but I made the effort.

  “Hey.” His voice was soft, surprising me by how warm and soothing it was. Hunching forward to rest elbows on knees, he scanned my face with careful dark eyes. “This is probably going to be an extremely dumb question but are you okay?”

  I laughed despite myself, though it came out into quick, short barks. That was all I seemed capable of producing, which was more than I expected.

  “Honestly, I feel like an asshole,” I admitted, shifting in the stiff chair.

  “How’s your head?” He reached out, hesitating momentarily, before his fingers brushed stray strands of hair from my face.

  I closed my eyes, sighing at the contact. It wasn’t much, just fingertips on my forehead, but it was enough to cause warmth to flood in my chest and my skin to stand at attention like a soldier waiting for orders. Robert and I weren’t physical, but my body seemed to crave his touch the way flowers leaned into the sun and fish breathed in water. It felt…good.

  “Numb now,” I said. “It hurt before…”

  “Can I ask you something without coming across as a dick?” His fingers dropped from my forehead only to gingerly cup my cheek. He extended his thumb and tilted my head up as he continued scanning my face.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “Can you?”

  The corners of his lips flickered up, but other than that, there was no hint of him acknowledging my retort.

  “What were you doing at that party?” he asked.

  I winced slightly. So he knew where I was. I wondered if Charley told him.

  “Didn’t Rogers throw it? It was in his dorm, wasn’t it?”

  I reached up to pinch my nose, but the movement was too much and I stopped. I loosed a breath. This was the last thing I wanted to talk about. Especially with Robert. I knew he and Dalton didn’t like each other, but couldn’t he get over it? He was Robert Lannister. Why did he care about some kid?

  “Robert…”

  “Please, Lara.” He pulled his hand away and held them both up, like he was trying to show me some kind of submissive gesture of compliance. “I’m not trying to fight with you. That’s…that’s the last thing I want with you. I’m just trying to understand.”

  Right.

  Because Robert needed to make sense of this. Because my actions weren’t logical in his head.

  “This is the same guy who insinuated you were kissing my ass in order to sleep with me,” he continued.

  “Robert.” I was more firm with his name but without any kind of malice. Because I understood where his concern came from. “I just…his dad just died. And I know what that feels like. I went to the party because he invited me. Because I wanted to be there for him. And I overdid it because I had never been to one before. It’s stupid, I know, but I felt…special. Someone invited me to the cool kids’ party. And I indulged too much.” I shook my head slowly, careful not to make any jerky movement that would only enhance the dull pain. “Dr. Dickbag caught us and in a rush, I tripped over myself and knocked my head on the side of the island. What happened to me wasn’t Dalton’s fault. It was mine.”

  Robert was silent for a moment. His face was strained. I could tell there was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to argue with. But he was keeping it in out of respect for me.

  “I’m just glad you’re okay,” he finally said. He sat up, leaning back against the seat. I knew it couldn’t be comfortable for him the way I knew this bed wasn’t comfortable for me, but he was here, sitting and enduring it, because he wanted to make sure I was okay.

  Suddenly, guilt gnawed at my stomach. Because I wasn’t being honest with him. About Eddie Ronin. Even though he was keeping things from me, I knew I couldn’t keep going with this pathetic justification of why it was okay for me to do it to him but refused to tolerate the same behavior done to me.

  “Robert,” I said. This was the third time I said his name. I needed him to let me talk before I lost my nerve. “Robert, I have to tell you something.”

  “Yeah, sure, what is it?” The line between his brows came back, telling me he was giving me his full attention.

  I swallowed, my mouth dry. “I, uh, well, I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

  I risked a glance at Robert, but nothing on his face indicated he was upset or frustrated. He was being…patient. And it only made things worse because it made me feel much more guilty than I could have anticipated.

  “Right,” I said. I expected Robert to jump in, to put up some sort of fight about something, but he was surprisingly quiet. “Um, so, you know how you specifically told me not to get in touch with Eddie Ronin about…” I cleared my throat again. This time, though, it was to stop myself from saying any detail out loud. Just because we were alone didn’t mean we weren’t being watched in some way, and I didn’t want to take that chance. “Well, I might have gone to Eddie Ronin about that exact topic.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  I jerked my head back, narrowing my eyes at him. It was as though he had grown a second head. “Wait, you know?” I asked. “How?”

  “Eddie told me,” Robert said. “He wanted to see if you were legit. I told him you were. I know he told you about me to see what you’d do. The whole thing with…with her.” He cleared his throat. “So…he’s looking into it.”

  I waited. There had to be more to this. I had to be hallucinating.

  When Robert didn’t speak, I ran my fingers through my hair. My eyes went to my lap, the wall, the back of Robert’s hand. Anywhere but those eyes.

  “Hey.”

  Until he forced me to look at him with a single word.

  “I get why you had to do it, okay? I do.” A beat. “It’s going to be okay.”

  And then, I threw myself into Robert’s arms and burst into tears.

  Chapter Eight

  I didn’t want to be dramatic and claim that Robert had absolved me of my sins. I also wasn’t so relieved of this guilt that I conveniently forgot Robert himself had still lied about Riella. But it felt good to get the burden of my actions off my chest.

  I was glad Robert knew.

  “Um, why are you crying?” Robert asked, tilting his chin into his chest so he could get a better look at me.

  “I…I don’t know,” I admitted through the tears. “I just, I’ve been feeling really guilty about it. And I thought, I mean, I knew I was doing the right thing, but still. I hated not telling you. I don’t like keeping things from you, Robert.”

  “Hey. Hey.” He reached down and began to wipe my face with his hands, slowly, carefully, like I was fragile. Not weak. Never weak. But that I was worth being considerate and gentle for. “I haven’t been honest with you about everything either. And I think you know that.”

  I swallowed, keeping close to him and looking away. My fingers began to play with a part of his shirt, just rubbing the material between my index finger and my thumb. I considered pulling away from him so he would know just how frustrated I was, how hurt I was, that he couldn’t trust me about Riella. But if he could be so understanding about Eddie Ronin, even if he already knew, I could make an effort for him too. Because the truth of the matter was, I didn’t want to be in a fight with Robert. I didn’t think it was conducive to our relationship.

  Our professional relationship.

  Because we didn’t have a personal one…no matter what Charley thought in that head of hers.

  He let out a sigh, wrapping his arms around me again. I closed my eyes, placing my head back down on his chest and breathing him in. He smelled like the ocean with a hint of oil, something so uniquely Robert it was hard to put into words. All I knew was that my muscles melted into him, and the warmth he gave me seemed to hold me like a shield, like nothing could get to me as long as I was in his arms.

  “The truth is,” he said, his cheek now resting on top of my head, “I care about what you think of me. And I…it’s hard for me to talk to you about this without worrying you might not approve of it.”

  “Robert,” I said slowly, as evenly as I could. I wanted to tilt my head back, to look him in the eyes so he would understand I didn’t judge him for his past, but I didn’t want to let him go. I didn’t want to lose that sense of stability, as selfish as that was. “I just…I want to know what happened to the dean and why. When he came to you and told you about someone consorting with the gods, I felt compelled to do something again. Because what if we get attacked again? What then?”

  It was Robert who lifted his head, Robert who pulled back slightly, Robert who looked deep into my eyes and scanned me, trying to read me. I hoped my pupils weren’t blown up. I hoped I didn’t look pale and sickly. He might choose not to say anything, might think after what happened at Dalton’s party, I couldn’t handle it. I needed him to trust me with whatever he was going to say - more than he already did.

  “We will,” he said simply. Like it was a matter of fact. Like it was…inevitable.

  One hand rested gently on my throat, thumb reaching out and tracing my jaw line.

  I sighed into his touch. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t make it so obvious just how much Robert affected me, how much his touch lit sparks all over my skin, but I couldn’t be bothered to care. I was so very tired. All I wanted was sleep, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen until I was cleared by Charley or Dickbag or both of them.

  “That’s what no one else gets,” he said. “The gods are going to come back. They have to. They made such a stink about us before that by ignoring us, it gives us an advantage they can’t afford for us to have. I’ve already accepted that. Why do you think I bought Ilumenesecent? Why do you think I’m working on Crawler 1?”

  “Do you think they’re here for more than just exerting their dominance?” I asked. It was something I had been considering for a while but wasn’t sure how to formulate that into words. “Like, why now? Why are they here? What do they want?”

  Robert considered the question. “I don’t know,” he said. “But we should start thinking about that too.”

  We.

  He said we.

  “Does this have anything to do with Riella?” I asked before I could stop myself. “Eddie said -”

  “I know what Eddie thinks,” Robert said defensively. He paused his caresses only for a moment, eyes boring into my own. “He’s never liked Riella. Even before we knew what she was.”

  My mouth went dry. I wished I knew what he needed from me to confide in me. It seemed like he would, but if he needed space, if he needed my arms wrapped around him, encouraging him to speak more, I wanted to give it to him. I knew how difficult this must be and I wanted him to know he could trust me. Even if I was still out of sorts thanks to my head injury from earlier.

  “Eddie’s always been in love with Diana,” Robert continued. He pulled my body closer to his so I was practically sitting in his lap rather than on the exam table. “Diana’s a lawyer, you see, but they had a falling out. I’m not sure what happened, but he always blamed Riella. When I asked her about it, she denied even knowing what Eddie was talking about. Eddie refused to say since he assumed I would pick Riella over him. But whatever it was caused Eddie to spiral. Diana left him and then he left the academy.”

  “You guys clearly still talk,” I pointed out tentatively. “Maybe you can ask him what happened.”

  “We only spoke when Eddie reached out to me about you,” Robert explained. “Said you drove all the way to the site in order to meet with him. Said you reminded him of him and he wasn’t sure that was a good thing. But I told him you weren’t paranoid. We only discussed the traitor and a bit about what happened with Rogers.”

  “He thinks Riella’s behind it,” I murmured. Suddenly, I was glad he couldn’t see me. I wasn’t sure I wanted to see what emotion, if any, touched his face after that admittance.

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “What do you think?”

  Robert was silent for a long moment. The room filled with unspoken thoughts, the flashing light overhead trying to distract us from such a heavy subject but failing. I didn’t even consider crawling back into the exam table. Especially not when Robert began to play with the ends of my hair. I didn’t even think he knew what he was doing, too lost in his own memories or theories to be in control of his hands at the moment.

  “I’d like to believe she wasn’t involved with what happened in South Haven,” he said. “I don’t want to grow my head any more than it already is and say it happened because of me, because I decided to break up with her. But I don’t know. I was sure I knew her. And then I was sure I didn’t. Eddie says he has evidence but I’ve never had the courage to look. To see. Because if he does…if this attack happened because of me…”

  “It wouldn’t be your fault, Robert,” I told him. This time, I did pull away from him but only so I could lock eyes with him, only so he could understand that I meant what I said. “That’s an unfair burden for you to hold. No one would think that of you.”

  Robert snorted, reaching out and brushing more hair from my face. “God, I have no idea what you see in me,” he murmured. “So young, so idealistic.” He shook his head. “I wish I could see the world like you do. I wish I could see me like you do.” He paused. “Do you remember when I told you about the dagger?”

  I nodded, furrowing my brow. “You said you bought it,” I said. “And I said you can’t buy Ilumenescent.”

  “Well, I did,” he said. “From Riella. That was how we met in the first place. She held an underground auction and since I’m one of the wealthiest people in the country, I got my black invitation to go.” He blew out a breath, shaking his head. His dark eyes seemed far away, almost lost in some kind of hazy memory. “At the time, I thought I had to have the dagger. I don’t even know what compelled me to get it. It was like I was under some kind of spell.”

  “Maybe you were,” I said. “I’ve heard gods can manipulate the mind, can make people do things they don’t want to do. Maybe that’s why they were here. To manipulate people like you.”

  “I wanted that dagger,” he said. “I bought the dagger because I wanted it. But I also wanted an excuse to meet her. From there, we just kind of clicked.”

  “But you said you broke up with her,” I said. I ignored the way my chest crunched at the thought of Robert not only desiring someone else, but going out of his way just to be with her. I didn’t like the way it made me feel, didn’t like the way I hated Riella and didn’t even know her, hated that Robert could be happy with someone like her.

  “I did,” he said. “After I found out what she was.”

  “Wait.” I shook my head. “Eddie said -“

  “Eddie doesn’t know everything,” Robert cut in. There was an edge to his tone that brokered no argument. “Just because he always claimed he knew what she was didn’t mean I did. Maybe I was in denial because once I found out, it was so obvious.” He snorted. “I can’t believe I didn’t realize it.”

  “Love makes people stupid,” I muttered.

  “This wasn’t love, Lara,” he said. “This was getting caught up in attraction. In lust. In being with a beautiful woman. I was stupid. I’m never stupid. And that left me bitter. After we broke up, she was furious. Apparently, I hurt her pride because a puny human dared break up with her.”

  “Do you think Dean Rogers’s death is because of what happened between you?” I asked. “Eddie implied South Haven was, but if South Haven was retaliation, why kill the dean? It doesn’t make sense.”

  “It does if it’s not related,” he said. “Maybe South Haven was. And even saying that…” He blew out a breath, raising his arm to scratch the back of his head. “I hate that I’m responsible for it. For Vic and Denise and Bert and everyone involved in that. For your father.”

  My mouth went dry when he brought up my father but I couldn’t speak. I wasn’t sure I was able to.

  “I’m throwing myself into this work, trying…my god, I’m trying, Lara, trying to make it right and knowing I’ll never be able to.”

  Tears poured out of my eyes but I didn’t understand why.

  “It’s not your fault,” I told him. “I promise, it’s not your fault.”

  “But what if it is?” His eyes pinched with open concern. I didn’t think I had ever seen him this vulnerable before.

  This time, I reached for him and he buried his face into the crook of my neck. I clutched him to me, holding him for dear life, never intending to let him go. I kept murmuring how it wasn’t his fault, how it was hers, if it was true, how blaming himself wasn’t conducive to anything substantial.

  After a moment, he slowly pulled from me but he didn’t go far. His lips were centimeters from mine, and he dropped his gaze to my mouth. Somehow, his gaze got even darker, and I knew then that he was going to kiss me.

  I sucked in a breath. I wasn’t sure…

  No, that was a lie. I knew I wanted him to kiss me.

  Desperately.

  “Lara,” he whispered, fingers dancing under my chin, pulling me even closer -

  The door opened, interrupting us from doing anything.

  “Well,” Dalton Rogers said from the door. “This was the last thing I expected when I thought to check on you, Lara.”

  Chapter Nine